


Hands? Held.

by buckedz



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: M/M, Worried Firefam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:48:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26156023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buckedz/pseuds/buckedz
Summary: Buck counted the times he and Eddie held hands.Day 5 of 911 POC Week 2020:"Can I hold your hand?" + comfort
Relationships: Eddie Diaz & Henrietta "Hen" Wilson, Eddie Diaz & Howie "Chimney" Han & Henrietta "Hen" Wilson, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Henrietta "Hen" Wilson, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Howie "Chimney" Han, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 138





	Hands? Held.

DAY 5 

"Can I hold your hand?" + Comfort

In total, there are three times that this had happened to Buck before he realized the big picture.

The first time, it was right after the almost suicide bombing. He remembers it. The pain, the back and forth shouting. And he remembers Eddie, how quiet and composed he was being. It was just like any other day. Eddie being in control of his emotions. He had stayed the night, refusing to go home. Buck got that piece of information from Hen. The woman gave him a knowing smile, squeezed his hand and let Eddie went inside to talk to Buck.

Buck can tell Eddie was worried because the older man hasn't initiate a conversation. It was dead silence for several minutes. Both of them were poor conversationalists. But, Buck was a little more nonchalant than Eddie, so he spoke first.

"Hey, thanks for staying. Appreciate it." His voice did not betray him that much since he drank water and talked for a bit with Hen.

Eddie nodded in his seat, "You're welcome."

Buck smiled, "I gotta warn you, man. This may happen often in the future."

Eddie did not respond for a second but he finally looked at Buck, eyes full of fear, "I'm hoping against it, Buck." 

Buck chuckled, "We never know but, me too."

Eddie forced a small smile that did not reach his eyes. Buck tried again, "Are you okay?"

Eddie frowned, "Buck, you're the one hospitalised."

Buck sighed, "Yeah, I know but you seem spooked."

Eddie nodded, "Brings flashbacks."

Buck closed his eyes, "Sorry."

Eddie shook his head and cleared his throat, "Can I hold your hand?"

Buck smiled and nodded. Eddie took his time. He touched the skin with the tips of his fingers, slowly as if he still couldn't believe it was there. He grazed Buck's knuckles before carefully slipping their hands together. It was not a surprised to both of them that they would fit perfectly. It was pleasant. It brought comfort. For the first time since the bombing, Eddie felt a huge wave of solace washed him clean. He smiled at Buck. Buck had watched Eddie–the thoughtfulness of him in every move he made.

Holding hands. 

It was a simple action.

But Eddie made him feel things.

The second time they hold hands was when he dragged Eddie out of the fight. If it wasn't for Lena, who had explained to Buck how it happened and how she didn't mean for things to get this bad. She suggested for the sake of a healthy outlet. She managed to make it as hers, so she thought it'll dissipate some of Eddie's restlessness. Buck told her he will do what he can.

"Eddie, what are you doing here?" Buck stomped his way to the side of the ring. Eddie whipped his head so fast, heart beating in fear of getting caught but blood boiling, still rushing with the adrenaline from the fight.

Eddie stared at Buck, eyes wide, ready to defend himself. "That's none of your business."

Buck huffed, mocking Eddie. "Oh, yeah, it is. Because Lena called me to get you out of here."

Eddie clenched his jaw, "I can take care of myself."

Buck scoffed, "Can you? I see fucking bruises everywhere, Eddie."

Eddie raised his hands in surrender before walking backwards, away from Buck but Buck wasn't going to let that happen so he grabbed Eddie's hand then pulled him towards his Jeep.

Eddie yanked his hand away, "Don't touch me, Buck. I swear to God–"

Buck moved closer to Eddie, eyes blazing with anger, "Or what, Eddie? You're gonna punch me?"

It was like someone clapped in front of Eddie's face. He was snapped out of his ringing ears and boiling blood. 

He would never punch Buck.

"I would never punch you."

I would never hurt you.

Buck sighed, and now Eddie can see the exhaustion on his face, "Let's go home, Eddie. Just please, I beg you." 

Eddie rubbed his temple, trying to organize his thoughts.

The drive back to Eddie's house was quiet. The Lynyrd Skynyrd self-titled album wasn't strong enough to cut the thick tension between them. Eddie usually takes Uber to go and come back from a fight. It was a lot easier for him.

Buck pulled the hand brake, and waited for Eddie to say something or just went out of the car. Either way was peace offering to him. But Eddie did not move. He was looking for words, suitable words, for him to say he was sorry for everything. For making a fool of himself. For not thinking about Christopher. For being mad at himself because he sucked at communicating. 

But, he couldn't. So he reached out his left hand and took Buck's in his, earning a meaningful squeeze from the man.

He let out a shaky breath, eyes downcast to his lap with his right hand clutching his gym bag tightly. 

"I'll listen to you, Eddie. Anything you want to talk about," Buck offered.

Eddie looked over at Buck, eyes glistening, but with a small, sad smile on his lips, "Not yet. I just–I want to hold your hand for a while." 

Buck nodded and let him do so.

Buck sucked at staying quiet for so long, especially with Eddie.

"Grounding, isn't it?" 

Eddie looked at Buck.

Buck smiled.

Eddie smiled back at him.

The third time was when he heard one of the firemen from station 3 screamed that they found Firefighter Diaz sprawled near the lake, seemingly had passed out right after he got out of the water.

Hen did CPR while Buck watched in horror. His body was buzzing with the possibilities of Eddie not coming back. But after Eddie choked out the water, he started to trash his body, hyperventilating, and speaking incoherently.

So, Buck grabbed his hand and called him. 

"Eddie, Eddie! You're okay. I'm here. We're all here. You're not in Afghanistan. Please, breathe."

"Buck?" He whispered, squinting his eyes in disbelief and confusion.

"Hey, look around. We're all here with you."

Eddie nodded and shut his eyes before opening them again, looking around for comfort and reassurances.

The grip on Buck's hand was so tight and he just knew Eddie must've felt so scared of being buried alive. Buried everything he loved alive.

Eddie kept holding his hand all the while Hen checked him. Then, Chim said they had to go to the hospital. However, Eddie didn't let his hand go.

"Eddie, it's going to be okay," Chimney said. "Me and Hen are going to take you to the hospital, alright? We have to make sure you are really not hurt anywhere."

Eddie still seemed very out of the world, in a bad way. He looked at Buck, tears streaming his face. 

"I'll come to you as soon as I can. Promise."

"Don't tell, Christopher."

Buck nodded, "Now, go."

Before he jumped off the ambulance, he said, "Hen, hold his hand. Please."

Hen nodded without verbal questions and did as she was told.

She took Eddie's left hand and held it with both of her hands. She saw Buck looking at Eddie with so much worry, but at the same time there was relief and obvious fondness. Instead of drowning herself in too much confusing assumptions about Eddie and Buck's relationship, she settled for comforting Eddie. "You're okay now, Eddie. We're just around the corner." 

Chimney gently held Eddie's right hand until they reached the hospital.

The next morning, precisely at 5.38 a.m., Buck was perched outside Eddie's room, waiting for Bobby and the doctor to come outside. Hen had texted him about the information regarding Eddie's wellbeing. There was nothing out of the ordinary that won't heal. So, he showered and stopped by Eddie's house to gather some clothes and toothbrush for Eddie.

Bobby and Dr. Raj came out a few moments later, bidding their goodbyes to Buck. 

Buck went in and saw Eddie. He was sleeping, with wires attached to his body and hands. He inhaled and exhaled. Finally so relieved Eddie was fine. The bag was placed on the sofa then he plopped down on the chair, immediately but slowly taking Eddie's hand into his. He watched the hand, and kissed it.

Buck slept next to Eddie but before that, he promised to himself that he will tell Eddie how much he means to him as soon as Eddie got out of the hospital.

He was done holding Eddie's hand but not clarifying what he really felt while doing that.

The end.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading and may someone hold your hands someday ❤️


End file.
